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Let’s say you are in a happy relationship. Everything is going along swimmingly. Well, everything except for one little issue. There is an ex that just won’t go away. They’ve been asked politely. They’ve been asked not so politely. You’ve heard promises and threats that they never EVER want to talk to you or hear […]

The post How To Get Rid of a Toxic Ex appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(8131) "

Let’s say you are in a happy relationship. Everything is going along swimmingly. Well, everything except for one little issue. There is an ex that just won’t go away. They’ve been asked politely. They’ve been asked not so politely. You’ve heard promises and threats that they never EVER want to talk to you or hear your name again… but you don’t hold your breath because they call… text… email and IM time and time again. It’s a become a problem. An embarrassment. Something you passionately wish would just go away.

And just to be clear right up front, I don’t believe that ALL exes are a problem. I know that some of you do believe that exes aren’t meant to be friends while others of you are friends with all of your exes and take pride in that. Either way, whatever works for you. But this article IS about dealing with the ex that becomes toxic and how to save your relationship from the potential fall out.

“I just miss your friendship and want to be with you.”

“I can’t live without you.”

“I still love you.”

“I never really got to say all the things I needed to say to you. We need more closure.”

“Just one last hug/kiss goodbye?”

“You’ll never be happy with anyone like you were with me.” (Obviously. That is why you are broken up.)

If any of those sound familiar, then you are the proud owner of a toxic ex. And I’m betting that as much as you once cared for them, you now find yourself cringing when the phone rings or sighing as you tell your partner that your ex phone bombed you today. Again.

So what do you do?

First, take care of your relationship.

  1. Talk to your partner openly about it. No ultimatums. No threats. No passive aggressive snark… just good old honest and compassionate communication. “My ex keeps contacting me. I know it’s become a problem. What do we need to do about it?”
  2. Evaluate your own emotions around the issue and do your best to clear out any of the ugly in your heart that may be creeping in due to frustration over the situation. If you are the non-owner of the toxic ex, avoid jumping immediately to mistrust of your partner. Unless your partner is doing something to encourage the behavior… he or she really can’t control the toxic ex’s toxicity.
  3. However you decide to handle the problem, maintain transparency with your partner about your actions (or lack thereof.) Secrets only lead to trouble down the line. Trust me on this one… TELL your current partner what is going on!
  4. Focus on the relationship you are building. Find your common ground and remember that you are together for a reason. The more you can pull together as a team, the less outside problems/people will impact your relationship.
  5. Be flexible in finding a successful solution. Sometimes action that works for getting one person to back off will do nothing but egg another person on.
  6. Ask a professional for help in formulating a plan.
  7. If it’s YOUR ex that’s a problem, don’t discount your partner’s feelings. It’s one thing if they are jealous and possessive about everything and everyone. It’s entirely different if they are expressing concern about someone exhibiting toxic or inappropriate behavior.

Next, take care of the problem.

The person with the toxic ex probably needs to contact Mr. or Ms. Toxic and ask them (if they haven’t already,) to please go away. Be warned, email can come across more harshly than you intend, in this situation, so use it with care.

If the ex continues to intrude, you can repeat your request for no contact. If you do, stick to simple and to the point. The less you say, the better. The shorter and more non-emotional your communication is after the initial request to leave you alone, the less your ex will have to hold onto.

Or you can try the “ignore them and hope that they go away” part of the plan. For some exes, this is all they need to get bored and go away. No fuel to burn… move on to the next fire. For others, it can actually cause the opposite reaction. (If they are prone to delusional thinking or consider you the “one who got away,” ignoring them may actually escalate the behavior.)

If your ex continues to try to engage your attention, block their number, email, IM, Facebook, etc. Any points of engagement simply need to be removed.

Finally, if you find that Mr. or Ms. Toxic is actually moving into stalker territory — drive-bys, following or contacting your current partner, increased contact, researching new ways to contact you, tracking behaviors — showing up where you are, intimating that they have knowledge of where you’ve been, etc. — you need to contact the police and seriously consider getting a restraining order.

I’ll say it again, not EVERY ex is a problem. If the communication is infrequent, respectful and/or limited to discussing things like shared custody, business or bills, then you really have no reason to get too upset with the connection. However, if the ex’s communication is simply meant to keep the door open, to manipulate or seduce or if they are ignoring a request to cease contact… refer to the lists above.

Breaking up is hard to do, and there is usually one, if not two, hurt parties. If you are reading this article and realize that YOU are the toxic ex… tune back in tomorrow for a few helpful hints on how to get your life back and move on!

The post How To Get Rid of a Toxic Ex appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(580) "

Let’s say you are in a happy relationship. Everything is going along swimmingly. Well, everything except for one little issue. There is an ex that just won’t go away. They’ve been asked politely. They’ve been asked not so politely. You’ve heard promises and threats that they never EVER want to talk to you or hear […]

The post How To Get Rid of a Toxic Ex appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(8131) "

Let’s say you are in a happy relationship. Everything is going along swimmingly. Well, everything except for one little issue. There is an ex that just won’t go away. They’ve been asked politely. They’ve been asked not so politely. You’ve heard promises and threats that they never EVER want to talk to you or hear your name again… but you don’t hold your breath because they call… text… email and IM time and time again. It’s a become a problem. An embarrassment. Something you passionately wish would just go away.

And just to be clear right up front, I don’t believe that ALL exes are a problem. I know that some of you do believe that exes aren’t meant to be friends while others of you are friends with all of your exes and take pride in that. Either way, whatever works for you. But this article IS about dealing with the ex that becomes toxic and how to save your relationship from the potential fall out.

“I just miss your friendship and want to be with you.”

“I can’t live without you.”

“I still love you.”

“I never really got to say all the things I needed to say to you. We need more closure.”

“Just one last hug/kiss goodbye?”

“You’ll never be happy with anyone like you were with me.” (Obviously. That is why you are broken up.)

If any of those sound familiar, then you are the proud owner of a toxic ex. And I’m betting that as much as you once cared for them, you now find yourself cringing when the phone rings or sighing as you tell your partner that your ex phone bombed you today. Again.

So what do you do?

First, take care of your relationship.

  1. Talk to your partner openly about it. No ultimatums. No threats. No passive aggressive snark… just good old honest and compassionate communication. “My ex keeps contacting me. I know it’s become a problem. What do we need to do about it?”
  2. Evaluate your own emotions around the issue and do your best to clear out any of the ugly in your heart that may be creeping in due to frustration over the situation. If you are the non-owner of the toxic ex, avoid jumping immediately to mistrust of your partner. Unless your partner is doing something to encourage the behavior… he or she really can’t control the toxic ex’s toxicity.
  3. However you decide to handle the problem, maintain transparency with your partner about your actions (or lack thereof.) Secrets only lead to trouble down the line. Trust me on this one… TELL your current partner what is going on!
  4. Focus on the relationship you are building. Find your common ground and remember that you are together for a reason. The more you can pull together as a team, the less outside problems/people will impact your relationship.
  5. Be flexible in finding a successful solution. Sometimes action that works for getting one person to back off will do nothing but egg another person on.
  6. Ask a professional for help in formulating a plan.
  7. If it’s YOUR ex that’s a problem, don’t discount your partner’s feelings. It’s one thing if they are jealous and possessive about everything and everyone. It’s entirely different if they are expressing concern about someone exhibiting toxic or inappropriate behavior.

Next, take care of the problem.

The person with the toxic ex probably needs to contact Mr. or Ms. Toxic and ask them (if they haven’t already,) to please go away. Be warned, email can come across more harshly than you intend, in this situation, so use it with care.

If the ex continues to intrude, you can repeat your request for no contact. If you do, stick to simple and to the point. The less you say, the better. The shorter and more non-emotional your communication is after the initial request to leave you alone, the less your ex will have to hold onto.

Or you can try the “ignore them and hope that they go away” part of the plan. For some exes, this is all they need to get bored and go away. No fuel to burn… move on to the next fire. For others, it can actually cause the opposite reaction. (If they are prone to delusional thinking or consider you the “one who got away,” ignoring them may actually escalate the behavior.)

If your ex continues to try to engage your attention, block their number, email, IM, Facebook, etc. Any points of engagement simply need to be removed.

Finally, if you find that Mr. or Ms. Toxic is actually moving into stalker territory — drive-bys, following or contacting your current partner, increased contact, researching new ways to contact you, tracking behaviors — showing up where you are, intimating that they have knowledge of where you’ve been, etc. — you need to contact the police and seriously consider getting a restraining order.

I’ll say it again, not EVERY ex is a problem. If the communication is infrequent, respectful and/or limited to discussing things like shared custody, business or bills, then you really have no reason to get too upset with the connection. However, if the ex’s communication is simply meant to keep the door open, to manipulate or seduce or if they are ignoring a request to cease contact… refer to the lists above.

Breaking up is hard to do, and there is usually one, if not two, hurt parties. If you are reading this article and realize that YOU are the toxic ex… tune back in tomorrow for a few helpful hints on how to get your life back and move on!

The post How To Get Rid of a Toxic Ex appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565951454) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(32) "How To Know He is The One For Me" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/16/how-to-know-he-is-the-one-for-me/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 16 Aug 2019 10:06:14 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["category"]=> string(89) "Dating Adviceadvicefor girlsIntimate relationshiplovemarriagerelationshipsromanceselfless" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2802" ["description"]=> string(551) "

Sometimes life just throws you some curve balls, so I called in a few relief pitchers for your enjoyment over the next few weeks. A beautiful gift in my inbox, today’s post reminded me of how truly inspiring my friends are. I hope you enjoy this post by Courtney C. as much as I did… […]

The post How To Know He is The One For Me appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6458) "

Sometimes life just throws you some curve balls, so I called in a few relief pitchers for your enjoyment over the next few weeks. A beautiful gift in my inbox, today’s post reminded me of how truly inspiring my friends are. I hope you enjoy this post by Courtney C. as much as I did…

How I knew he was the one:

My dad always used to tell me he wouldn’t pass judgment on the men I chose, because “when you think you’re in love, you’re in love.”  So true, but you can absolutely be “in love” with someone who doesn’t make a good partner for you.  And no matter how much you love that person, or even how much they love you back, it still doesn’t make it a good, healthy relationship.

I knew J was “the one” when …the relationship started really working as this separate entity unto itself – when I didn’t feel like this one individual trying really hard to commit my life to someone else and be a good wife.  I’d been someone else’s wife before, so I had something to compare it to, and with J it felt like something that worked on it’s own, without me having to hover around worrying and always doing the right thing to keep everything in a good place.

Now I tell my friends, “I don’t care about his qualities.  Of COURSE you’ll pick a guy who has great qualities.  Find me a woman who DOESN’T want a guy she finds handsome, smart, kind and funny.  I care more about the quality of the relationship.”  The bottom line is you shouldn’t just be with the guy you imagine, you should be in the type of relationship you imagine, so start dreaming of what that relationship feels like so you’ll know if you’re inside it.

Why I know our relationship will last:

Relationships are hard because life is hard.  I’m very lucky in that even though my life sometimes intrudes its unwelcome drama upon my just-shy-of-one-year-long marriage, it’s LIFE making my relationship hard, and not vice versa.  (And yes, I’m looking at some of you out there who seem to thrive on the inverse situation.  Can you feel my big hairy side-eye being given to you right now?)

In the past two months, J and I have had to deal with more drama than most couples have to deal with in their first few decades together, and we’ve been forced to weather it with less than a year of marriage under our belt.  Talk about initiation by fire.  Two months ago, after celebrating 5 years cancer free, my surgeon called with more bad news.  The scans that were supposed to let me off the hook and give me reason to celebrate 5 healthy years instead found a congenital defect in my brain.  I had to urgently find a neurosurgeon, fly across the country for consultations, decide on a course of action, find people to take care of all our pets, choose a short hairstyle that would hide the bald spots, and in the middle of the mayhem not forget to hold my husband close every night and whisper to him (as though saying it out loud would make it true) that I was going to come out the other side alive and the same person I’ve always been.  No brand-new husband should worry that he’s going to have to spoon feed his wife for 50 years.

Some days he was my rock, and some day I was his.  Some days we both just cried together, when I was hurting physically and it killed him emotionally.  And some days we snapped at each other, because waking up every 90 minutes to take a handful of pills will give even a saint a short fuse.  But neither one of us is too proud to say I’m sorry (and we try to say it before too much time has elapsed).

For a couple who can and does talk about everything, the hardest part for me was that the experience of spending days in the hospital and going through so much pain was something I had to suffer alone.  I usually share my burdens with J, and though he was the perfect support system, I still had to be the one to endure painful IVs burning through my arms, spasming limbs from not being allowed to move for fear of throwing a clot, and headaches that left me in a nauseated heap on the floor.  J couldn’t suffer that in my place, though I know he would have done it in a heartbeat.  And – in my pain – I was so jealous of him for feeling fine while I was in pain.  Senseless and juvenile, I know, but I was pissed at him for being healthy.

Back home, he’s been patient and kind with me as I heal.  He has to drive me everywhere until I’m off medications and the risk of seizures has passed.  He has to handle tons of stuff for my nonprofit as I don’t have enough stamina even to sit at my desk and focus for a full 8 hour workday.  He has to come running into the kitchen every time my even-more-klutzy than normal body drops something or forgets where something is stored.

I set myself up for success in this marriage by choosing a loving, kind, huge-hearted man, and I try every day not to screw it up by forgetting to tell J how amazing he is.  We give one another the benefit of the doubt, we talk through even the most minor of slights or hurt-feelings, and we kiss as often as possible.  I think HE is the most selfless human in the world, and he thinks I am, so in trying to deserve one another, we’ve each given more to one another than in past relationships.  And maybe, just maybe, when we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, I’ll figure out how I got so lucky to be so loved.

The post How To Know He is The One For Me appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(551) "

Sometimes life just throws you some curve balls, so I called in a few relief pitchers for your enjoyment over the next few weeks. A beautiful gift in my inbox, today’s post reminded me of how truly inspiring my friends are. I hope you enjoy this post by Courtney C. as much as I did… […]

The post How To Know He is The One For Me appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6458) "

Sometimes life just throws you some curve balls, so I called in a few relief pitchers for your enjoyment over the next few weeks. A beautiful gift in my inbox, today’s post reminded me of how truly inspiring my friends are. I hope you enjoy this post by Courtney C. as much as I did…

How I knew he was the one:

My dad always used to tell me he wouldn’t pass judgment on the men I chose, because “when you think you’re in love, you’re in love.”  So true, but you can absolutely be “in love” with someone who doesn’t make a good partner for you.  And no matter how much you love that person, or even how much they love you back, it still doesn’t make it a good, healthy relationship.

I knew J was “the one” when …the relationship started really working as this separate entity unto itself – when I didn’t feel like this one individual trying really hard to commit my life to someone else and be a good wife.  I’d been someone else’s wife before, so I had something to compare it to, and with J it felt like something that worked on it’s own, without me having to hover around worrying and always doing the right thing to keep everything in a good place.

Now I tell my friends, “I don’t care about his qualities.  Of COURSE you’ll pick a guy who has great qualities.  Find me a woman who DOESN’T want a guy she finds handsome, smart, kind and funny.  I care more about the quality of the relationship.”  The bottom line is you shouldn’t just be with the guy you imagine, you should be in the type of relationship you imagine, so start dreaming of what that relationship feels like so you’ll know if you’re inside it.

Why I know our relationship will last:

Relationships are hard because life is hard.  I’m very lucky in that even though my life sometimes intrudes its unwelcome drama upon my just-shy-of-one-year-long marriage, it’s LIFE making my relationship hard, and not vice versa.  (And yes, I’m looking at some of you out there who seem to thrive on the inverse situation.  Can you feel my big hairy side-eye being given to you right now?)

In the past two months, J and I have had to deal with more drama than most couples have to deal with in their first few decades together, and we’ve been forced to weather it with less than a year of marriage under our belt.  Talk about initiation by fire.  Two months ago, after celebrating 5 years cancer free, my surgeon called with more bad news.  The scans that were supposed to let me off the hook and give me reason to celebrate 5 healthy years instead found a congenital defect in my brain.  I had to urgently find a neurosurgeon, fly across the country for consultations, decide on a course of action, find people to take care of all our pets, choose a short hairstyle that would hide the bald spots, and in the middle of the mayhem not forget to hold my husband close every night and whisper to him (as though saying it out loud would make it true) that I was going to come out the other side alive and the same person I’ve always been.  No brand-new husband should worry that he’s going to have to spoon feed his wife for 50 years.

Some days he was my rock, and some day I was his.  Some days we both just cried together, when I was hurting physically and it killed him emotionally.  And some days we snapped at each other, because waking up every 90 minutes to take a handful of pills will give even a saint a short fuse.  But neither one of us is too proud to say I’m sorry (and we try to say it before too much time has elapsed).

For a couple who can and does talk about everything, the hardest part for me was that the experience of spending days in the hospital and going through so much pain was something I had to suffer alone.  I usually share my burdens with J, and though he was the perfect support system, I still had to be the one to endure painful IVs burning through my arms, spasming limbs from not being allowed to move for fear of throwing a clot, and headaches that left me in a nauseated heap on the floor.  J couldn’t suffer that in my place, though I know he would have done it in a heartbeat.  And – in my pain – I was so jealous of him for feeling fine while I was in pain.  Senseless and juvenile, I know, but I was pissed at him for being healthy.

Back home, he’s been patient and kind with me as I heal.  He has to drive me everywhere until I’m off medications and the risk of seizures has passed.  He has to handle tons of stuff for my nonprofit as I don’t have enough stamina even to sit at my desk and focus for a full 8 hour workday.  He has to come running into the kitchen every time my even-more-klutzy than normal body drops something or forgets where something is stored.

I set myself up for success in this marriage by choosing a loving, kind, huge-hearted man, and I try every day not to screw it up by forgetting to tell J how amazing he is.  We give one another the benefit of the doubt, we talk through even the most minor of slights or hurt-feelings, and we kiss as often as possible.  I think HE is the most selfless human in the world, and he thinks I am, so in trying to deserve one another, we’ve each given more to one another than in past relationships.  And maybe, just maybe, when we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, I’ll figure out how I got so lucky to be so loved.

The post How To Know He is The One For Me appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565949974) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(82) "Infidelity: Seven Tips to Help You Get Money When Your Divorce is Caused by Affair" ["link"]=> string(120) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/15/infidelity-seven-tips-to-help-you-get-money-when-your-divorce-is-caused-by-affair/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 15 Aug 2019 10:55:35 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(21) "Kimberly Dawn Neumann" } ["category"]=> string(47) "Divorcecheatcheatingdivorce tipsInfidelitymoney" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2793" ["description"]=> string(675) "

A University of Chicago study found that 25 percent of all marriages are affected by the pain adultery sometime during the life of the marriage. If devastated spouses decide to divorce the cheater, can they get more of the marital assets? Maybe. While all’s fair in love and war, all is not necessarily fair in […]

The post Infidelity: Seven Tips to Help You Get Money When Your Divorce is Caused by Affair appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(19674) "

A University of Chicago study found that 25 percent of all marriages are affected by the pain adultery sometime during the life of the marriage. If devastated spouses decide to divorce the cheater, can they get more of the marital assets? Maybe.

While all’s fair in love and war, all is not necessarily fair in divorce court. “In California, adultery doesn’t make a bit of difference in division of property. It’s an interpersonal issue. Not a legal factor. So, judges don’t get into it. Often, people are very disappointed to hear that,” said Nordin F. Blacker, president of the Northern California Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. However, all is not lost.

“You can put yourself in a better position and bargain for more favorable terms, if you know how to go about it,” said Ruth Houston, author of “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs“. Getting that greater share requires understanding the complex laws governing divorce, property settlement, and spousal support. It also requires knowing how to leverage alienation of affection, intentional infliction of emotional distress and criminal conversation laws. Here are seven steps that can put you on the path to negotiating for a better settlement:

1. Do your homework.

“Don’t wait until the cheater cleans out the bank account and leaves or you’ll lose your chance to gain the upper hand. If you suspect that something might be going on, be smart and quietly go about getting some of the details,” Houston said. According to a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), a resounding 88 percent of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using electronic data as evidence during the past five years. “Technology is having a big impact on the way that divorces are now conducted,” said James Hennenhoefer, president of the AAML. “Many people still don‘t realize how much evidence can be gleaned from personal electronics ranging from computers to cell phones and GPS devices. In the Internet age, there is often a very clear trail that has been left behind and can be easily traced.”

E-mail takes the lead as the most commonly used form of technological evidence, with 82 percent citing it as the main source. Text/instant messaging and Internet browsing history tie for second with seven percent each, while one percent of the respondents cite data taken from GPS systems. Interestingly, the survey also reveals that wives are more likely to make use of electronic evidence than husbands. Once you have evidence that there is an affair, confront your spouse. “Letting your spouse know you’re aware of their affair may make the difference between being dumped and negotiating for more favorable terms,” said Houston.

While it may be uncomfortable to think of using threat of disclosure as a bargaining chip, for a spouse who is facing the loss of their marriage and financial security as well as the public humiliation of having others know their spouse cheated on them, working a deal where the reasons for the divorce are kept quiet in exchange for a larger settlement may make sense for both parties. For example, the U. S. military considers adultery unacceptable conduct. If a U. S. soldier commits adultery, he/she can be charged with Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. If found guilty, the soldier will be punished by the military and the adultery will reflect adversely on their service record. Agreeing not to disclose the adultery in exchange for having custody of your children or a greater share of the marital assets can help both of you.

“If you do decide to pursue this avenue, you will have to keep quiet as you are learning about the affair, otherwise you will lose your bargaining power,” said Houston. Also, if possible, keep the discussions about adultery out of the courtroom because proving adultery isn’t easy. “Even if you have a video of your husband and his secretary going into a hotel room, that doesn’t mean you’ve proven anything,” said Thomas Wolfrum, a certified Family Law Specialist who is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

2. Determine the grounds for your divorce. Find out if you’re in a fault/no-fault state.

The facts that you have to prove to get divorced are called grounds. There are fault grounds such as adultery, physical cruelty, mental cruelty, habitual drunkenness, and desertion; and, there are no-fault grounds such as “irreconcilable differences” or living separate and apart without cohabitation for a certain period.

Oklahoma introduced no-fault divorce in 1953. But, the idea that you could get a divorce without blaming someone for the failure of the marriage really didn’t get much traction until 1969, when California passed the Family Law Act which abolished the old common law action for divorce and replaced it with dissolution of marriage on the grounds of “irreconcilable differences.” By 1985, every state had adopted no-fault divorce.   Some no-fault states do allow you to claim fault when you file for divorce. If you live in one of those states, while there are many factors that go into the court’s decision, judges are allowed to penalize the “at-fault” party“ when it comes to deciding who pays attorney’s fees or who will get what property.

Whether you file a fault or no-fault divorce, the grounds on which you are granted a divorce don’t necessarily correspond to the financial end of the divorce. For example, some no-fault states do consider fault an issue when it comes to determining spousal support and sometimes cheater’s remorse can help sweeten the pot. “Sometimes a cheating spouse will put more on the table because of guilt, but guilt normally has a short shelf life,” said Blacker.

3. Find out if you live in a community property state or an equitable distribution state.

Even if you live in a state where you can’t divorce on the basis of fault, you still may be able to get more of the marital estate. That’s because there’s a difference between the grounds for the divorce and how the property of the marriage is divided. That difference is affected by whether you live in a community property state or an equitable distribution state.

In community property states (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin), fault is not considered in division of property. However, fault does get in the back door, according to Wolfrum. “Domestic violence is a factor that affects child and spousal support. It’s a kind of fault that could be used to increase the amount or length of time of spousal support,” said Wolfrum.   All the rest of the states are equitable distribution states. “In these states, the judge has discretion to decide how the property should be divided and the court can consider a number of factors such as length of marriage, the age and health of the parties, the earnings of parties, the abilities of the parties to support themselves, their education and who paid for it, the property that both sides own and the locality of the property, and the future opportunity to acquire assets,” said Wolfrum.

Whether the marital property was inherited or earned during the marriage also affects how it is divided. “However, if you get a 60/40 split, that may be offset by getting less maintenance or getting maintenance for a shorter period of time,” said Wolfrum.

4. Ask for spousal support to get back on your feet.

If you’re a basketcase after discovering the affair, you may want to ask to have that factored into your earning ability. “You can say, ‘I’ve been married for 20 years and I thought was he was faithful. Then, I found out he was having not just one affair but multiple affairs. I need at least a year of therapy and I want child support and alimony computed on zero income for that year because I’m devastated and emotionally unable to work,’” said Wolfrum.

While you may have to show you’ve been diligent in working through what’s happened, if at the end of the year, you feel you need more time, then, depending on how the order was written, you may be able to petition to have the time extended.

5. Consider going after the home wrecker.

Yes, it’s utterly vindictive to go after your spouse’s paramour. Yet, why should the little home wrecker get off Scot-free while you’re left to pick up the crumbs? Stealing a spouse is a form of personal injury and there are three ways to be compensated for that. Depending on which state they live in, injured spouses may be able to file Alienation of Affection, Criminal Conversations or Intentional Affliction of Emotional Distress suits against the person their spouse cheated with. Even if you don’t go after the paramour, raising the possibility may get you a better deal if your soon-to-be ex spouse wants to protect his/her lover.

Alienation of Affections: “Alienation of Affection” is an umbrella term that covers the “wrongful or injurious act” of interfering with an affectionate relationship in a way that causes one person to lose affection for the other. Since 1935, the Alienation of Affections tort has been abolished by most states as an archaic and outdated form of revenge. However, if you live in one of the states where they’re still on the books (Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah), and your spouse has cheated on you, you may be able to receive some level of financial compensation to make up for the pain of betrayal. More than 200 Alienation of Affection cases are filed annually in North Carolina, which has a public policy that protects marriages from third party interference.

If you decide to pursue an Alienation of Affection suit, you won’t be bringing it against your cheating spouse. You’ll be filing it against the weasel they erred with. And, you don’t have to prove that they had sex with your spouse. That’s because the basis of the suit is not adultery but the fact that the weasel caused your spouse to lose that loving feeling for you. According to Haas McNeill & Associates, a law firm in North Carolina, “The exclusive right of sexual intercourse is not the right protected in this type of case. It’s the actual affection between spouses that’s the right protected.”

According to the Legal Match Law Library, “To succeed on an alienation of affection claim, the “injured” spouse must show three things: the marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree; the spousal love was alienated and destroyed; and the third party’s malicious conduct contributed to or caused the loss of affection. It’s often not necessary to show that the third party set out to destroy the marital relationship, but only that he or she intentionally engaged in acts that likely would impact the marriage.”

How much can you get? According to Gailor, Wallis & Hunt, a law firm in Raleigh, North Carolina, “The potential size of a favorable verdict may vary depending on multiple factors including length of the marriage; the egregiousness of the defendant’s conduct and the length of time over which it has occurred; the conduct of the plaintiff during the marriage; and actual damages such as medical or psychological treatment costs and loss of income in addition to humiliation and emotional harm among others. Not every case of alienation of affections or adultery will merit bringing a claim.”

However, for those who win a claim, the reward can be substantial. Haas McNeill & Associates reports that North Carolina juries have handed out big awards in some of these cases. In 2001, a Greensboro jury awarded $2 million to the Plaintiff. Another jury awarded $1.2 million in 1997 in a Forsyth County case. Other awards include $1 million to an Alamance County woman, $243,000 to a Wake County man, and $40,000 to a Durham County man whose wife allegedly ran off with another man. You can sue for both punitive and compensatory damages. In May 2001, a cuckolded husband was awarded $100,000 — $50,000 for compensatory damages and $50,000 for punitive damages.

Criminal Conversations: Whereas Alienation of Affection suits are about how your spouse feels about you after getting involved with someone else, Criminal Conversation suits are just about whether sexual intercourse happened between the defendant and your spouse. You don’t have to prove that the intercourse changed the way your spouse feels about you — you just have to prove that sex between the defendant and your spouse occurred while you were married.

While it may be tough to prove that sex took place, if you can prove it, there are no obvious defenses to a claim of criminal conversation. According to Lee S. Rosen, a Board Certified Family Specialist and founder of Rosen Divorce, the largest divorce firm in the Southeastern United States, “It is not a defense that: the defendant did not know the other person was married; that the person consented to the sex; that the plaintiff was separated from his or her spouse, that the other person actually seduced the defendant; that the marriage was an unhappy one; that the defendant’s sex with the spouse did not otherwise impact on the plaintiff’s marriage; that plaintiff had mistreated the spouse; or that the plaintiff had also been unfaithful. It might be a defense that the plaintiff “consented” to the illicit intercourse; but the defendant would have to show that this approval or encouragement had pre-dated the extramarital conduct.”

There is a three-year statute of limitations for Alienation of Affections claims. The clock begins ticking on the date of your separation. The court generally views behavior that happened after the separation as irrelevant. So, if your spouse starts dating before the divorce is final, that generally doesn’t count as Alienation of Affection. However, if your spouse continues a relationship that broke up your marriage, that shows that the cheater chose the paramour over you and can be evidence the affair really did destroy the love between you.

Substituting Alienation of Affections With IIED: Since most states have abolished Alienation of Affections laws, wronged spouses have tried to recover damages under the cause of action known as Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress (IIED). Courts have generally recognized IIED as separate and distinct from Alienation of Affections, so that IIED may be available against a third party for conduct that breaks up a marital relationship, even in states that have abolished Alienation of Affections. To bring a successful IIED claim, the party suing must prove four elements: conduct that is intentional or reckless; conduct that is extreme and outrageous; the wrongful conduct caused the emotional distress; and the emotional distress must be severe.

6. Find out who the other party is.

Before you can go after the person your spouse cheated with, you have to know whom they are. Ruth Houston offers the following three tips to unearthing their identity.

Reverse phone number search: “If you find unfamiliar numbers on your caller ID, cell phone bill, programmed into your spouse’s cell phone, or scribbled on scraps of paper or the back of business cards, you can do a reverse phone number search to find out whose number it is,” said Houston. Your search is 100 percent confidential. For an additional fee, this service also lets you run background checks on any names you come across.

Reverse e-mail address search: “If your spouse is sending or receiving e-mails from someone you don’t know and you want to find out who a certain e-mail address belongs to, you can run a reverse e-mail search with the largest e-mail search database on the internet,” said Houston. This is the same service used by law enforcement, government officials, lawyers, private investigators and many others.

Background check: “If you have the name of the person(s) you think your spouse is involved with, or if you find a suspicious name among your spouse’s personal effects, you can quickly and easily run a background check to find out more information about this person including: their address history; their work history; whether they’re married, single, or divorced; whether they’ve ever committed a crime and more,” said Houston. All background searches are confidential.

7. Hire a good lawyer.

Getting a greater share of the marital assets requires a skilled lawyer who will advocate for your best interests. “The yellow pages are absolutely worst place to look for an attorney. I recommend you start with attorney from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers because they noted for excellence in this area and many have passed a second bar exam to become a certified family law specialist,” said Wolfrum, who also recommends you get a copy of IRS Publication 504: Instruction Booklet for Divorce.

Finding out your spouse has cheated on you unravels your world. It can be particularly galling if the person they cheated with benefits financially. Ashley Dupre, the call girl Spitzer allegedly hired, stands to make big money. The Week Magazine reports two songs Dupre posted on her MySpace page are being played on New York radio and have been downloaded several hundred thousand times for 98 cent a piece. Hustler Magazine has offered Dupre $1 million to pose nude and a Nevada brothel has offered her a $250,000 signing bonus.

Rather than feeling screwed twice, Houston encourages betrayed spouses to take action to protect their right to the marital assets. “Act decisively and you’ll feel empowered, rather than victimized,” Houston said.

The post Infidelity: Seven Tips to Help You Get Money When Your Divorce is Caused by Affair appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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A University of Chicago study found that 25 percent of all marriages are affected by the pain adultery sometime during the life of the marriage. If devastated spouses decide to divorce the cheater, can they get more of the marital assets? Maybe. While all’s fair in love and war, all is not necessarily fair in […]

The post Infidelity: Seven Tips to Help You Get Money When Your Divorce is Caused by Affair appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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A University of Chicago study found that 25 percent of all marriages are affected by the pain adultery sometime during the life of the marriage. If devastated spouses decide to divorce the cheater, can they get more of the marital assets? Maybe.

While all’s fair in love and war, all is not necessarily fair in divorce court. “In California, adultery doesn’t make a bit of difference in division of property. It’s an interpersonal issue. Not a legal factor. So, judges don’t get into it. Often, people are very disappointed to hear that,” said Nordin F. Blacker, president of the Northern California Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. However, all is not lost.

“You can put yourself in a better position and bargain for more favorable terms, if you know how to go about it,” said Ruth Houston, author of “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs“. Getting that greater share requires understanding the complex laws governing divorce, property settlement, and spousal support. It also requires knowing how to leverage alienation of affection, intentional infliction of emotional distress and criminal conversation laws. Here are seven steps that can put you on the path to negotiating for a better settlement:

1. Do your homework.

“Don’t wait until the cheater cleans out the bank account and leaves or you’ll lose your chance to gain the upper hand. If you suspect that something might be going on, be smart and quietly go about getting some of the details,” Houston said. According to a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), a resounding 88 percent of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using electronic data as evidence during the past five years. “Technology is having a big impact on the way that divorces are now conducted,” said James Hennenhoefer, president of the AAML. “Many people still don‘t realize how much evidence can be gleaned from personal electronics ranging from computers to cell phones and GPS devices. In the Internet age, there is often a very clear trail that has been left behind and can be easily traced.”

E-mail takes the lead as the most commonly used form of technological evidence, with 82 percent citing it as the main source. Text/instant messaging and Internet browsing history tie for second with seven percent each, while one percent of the respondents cite data taken from GPS systems. Interestingly, the survey also reveals that wives are more likely to make use of electronic evidence than husbands. Once you have evidence that there is an affair, confront your spouse. “Letting your spouse know you’re aware of their affair may make the difference between being dumped and negotiating for more favorable terms,” said Houston.

While it may be uncomfortable to think of using threat of disclosure as a bargaining chip, for a spouse who is facing the loss of their marriage and financial security as well as the public humiliation of having others know their spouse cheated on them, working a deal where the reasons for the divorce are kept quiet in exchange for a larger settlement may make sense for both parties. For example, the U. S. military considers adultery unacceptable conduct. If a U. S. soldier commits adultery, he/she can be charged with Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. If found guilty, the soldier will be punished by the military and the adultery will reflect adversely on their service record. Agreeing not to disclose the adultery in exchange for having custody of your children or a greater share of the marital assets can help both of you.

“If you do decide to pursue this avenue, you will have to keep quiet as you are learning about the affair, otherwise you will lose your bargaining power,” said Houston. Also, if possible, keep the discussions about adultery out of the courtroom because proving adultery isn’t easy. “Even if you have a video of your husband and his secretary going into a hotel room, that doesn’t mean you’ve proven anything,” said Thomas Wolfrum, a certified Family Law Specialist who is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

2. Determine the grounds for your divorce. Find out if you’re in a fault/no-fault state.

The facts that you have to prove to get divorced are called grounds. There are fault grounds such as adultery, physical cruelty, mental cruelty, habitual drunkenness, and desertion; and, there are no-fault grounds such as “irreconcilable differences” or living separate and apart without cohabitation for a certain period.

Oklahoma introduced no-fault divorce in 1953. But, the idea that you could get a divorce without blaming someone for the failure of the marriage really didn’t get much traction until 1969, when California passed the Family Law Act which abolished the old common law action for divorce and replaced it with dissolution of marriage on the grounds of “irreconcilable differences.” By 1985, every state had adopted no-fault divorce.   Some no-fault states do allow you to claim fault when you file for divorce. If you live in one of those states, while there are many factors that go into the court’s decision, judges are allowed to penalize the “at-fault” party“ when it comes to deciding who pays attorney’s fees or who will get what property.

Whether you file a fault or no-fault divorce, the grounds on which you are granted a divorce don’t necessarily correspond to the financial end of the divorce. For example, some no-fault states do consider fault an issue when it comes to determining spousal support and sometimes cheater’s remorse can help sweeten the pot. “Sometimes a cheating spouse will put more on the table because of guilt, but guilt normally has a short shelf life,” said Blacker.

3. Find out if you live in a community property state or an equitable distribution state.

Even if you live in a state where you can’t divorce on the basis of fault, you still may be able to get more of the marital estate. That’s because there’s a difference between the grounds for the divorce and how the property of the marriage is divided. That difference is affected by whether you live in a community property state or an equitable distribution state.

In community property states (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin), fault is not considered in division of property. However, fault does get in the back door, according to Wolfrum. “Domestic violence is a factor that affects child and spousal support. It’s a kind of fault that could be used to increase the amount or length of time of spousal support,” said Wolfrum.   All the rest of the states are equitable distribution states. “In these states, the judge has discretion to decide how the property should be divided and the court can consider a number of factors such as length of marriage, the age and health of the parties, the earnings of parties, the abilities of the parties to support themselves, their education and who paid for it, the property that both sides own and the locality of the property, and the future opportunity to acquire assets,” said Wolfrum.

Whether the marital property was inherited or earned during the marriage also affects how it is divided. “However, if you get a 60/40 split, that may be offset by getting less maintenance or getting maintenance for a shorter period of time,” said Wolfrum.

4. Ask for spousal support to get back on your feet.

If you’re a basketcase after discovering the affair, you may want to ask to have that factored into your earning ability. “You can say, ‘I’ve been married for 20 years and I thought was he was faithful. Then, I found out he was having not just one affair but multiple affairs. I need at least a year of therapy and I want child support and alimony computed on zero income for that year because I’m devastated and emotionally unable to work,’” said Wolfrum.

While you may have to show you’ve been diligent in working through what’s happened, if at the end of the year, you feel you need more time, then, depending on how the order was written, you may be able to petition to have the time extended.

5. Consider going after the home wrecker.

Yes, it’s utterly vindictive to go after your spouse’s paramour. Yet, why should the little home wrecker get off Scot-free while you’re left to pick up the crumbs? Stealing a spouse is a form of personal injury and there are three ways to be compensated for that. Depending on which state they live in, injured spouses may be able to file Alienation of Affection, Criminal Conversations or Intentional Affliction of Emotional Distress suits against the person their spouse cheated with. Even if you don’t go after the paramour, raising the possibility may get you a better deal if your soon-to-be ex spouse wants to protect his/her lover.

Alienation of Affections: “Alienation of Affection” is an umbrella term that covers the “wrongful or injurious act” of interfering with an affectionate relationship in a way that causes one person to lose affection for the other. Since 1935, the Alienation of Affections tort has been abolished by most states as an archaic and outdated form of revenge. However, if you live in one of the states where they’re still on the books (Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah), and your spouse has cheated on you, you may be able to receive some level of financial compensation to make up for the pain of betrayal. More than 200 Alienation of Affection cases are filed annually in North Carolina, which has a public policy that protects marriages from third party interference.

If you decide to pursue an Alienation of Affection suit, you won’t be bringing it against your cheating spouse. You’ll be filing it against the weasel they erred with. And, you don’t have to prove that they had sex with your spouse. That’s because the basis of the suit is not adultery but the fact that the weasel caused your spouse to lose that loving feeling for you. According to Haas McNeill & Associates, a law firm in North Carolina, “The exclusive right of sexual intercourse is not the right protected in this type of case. It’s the actual affection between spouses that’s the right protected.”

According to the Legal Match Law Library, “To succeed on an alienation of affection claim, the “injured” spouse must show three things: the marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree; the spousal love was alienated and destroyed; and the third party’s malicious conduct contributed to or caused the loss of affection. It’s often not necessary to show that the third party set out to destroy the marital relationship, but only that he or she intentionally engaged in acts that likely would impact the marriage.”

How much can you get? According to Gailor, Wallis & Hunt, a law firm in Raleigh, North Carolina, “The potential size of a favorable verdict may vary depending on multiple factors including length of the marriage; the egregiousness of the defendant’s conduct and the length of time over which it has occurred; the conduct of the plaintiff during the marriage; and actual damages such as medical or psychological treatment costs and loss of income in addition to humiliation and emotional harm among others. Not every case of alienation of affections or adultery will merit bringing a claim.”

However, for those who win a claim, the reward can be substantial. Haas McNeill & Associates reports that North Carolina juries have handed out big awards in some of these cases. In 2001, a Greensboro jury awarded $2 million to the Plaintiff. Another jury awarded $1.2 million in 1997 in a Forsyth County case. Other awards include $1 million to an Alamance County woman, $243,000 to a Wake County man, and $40,000 to a Durham County man whose wife allegedly ran off with another man. You can sue for both punitive and compensatory damages. In May 2001, a cuckolded husband was awarded $100,000 — $50,000 for compensatory damages and $50,000 for punitive damages.

Criminal Conversations: Whereas Alienation of Affection suits are about how your spouse feels about you after getting involved with someone else, Criminal Conversation suits are just about whether sexual intercourse happened between the defendant and your spouse. You don’t have to prove that the intercourse changed the way your spouse feels about you — you just have to prove that sex between the defendant and your spouse occurred while you were married.

While it may be tough to prove that sex took place, if you can prove it, there are no obvious defenses to a claim of criminal conversation. According to Lee S. Rosen, a Board Certified Family Specialist and founder of Rosen Divorce, the largest divorce firm in the Southeastern United States, “It is not a defense that: the defendant did not know the other person was married; that the person consented to the sex; that the plaintiff was separated from his or her spouse, that the other person actually seduced the defendant; that the marriage was an unhappy one; that the defendant’s sex with the spouse did not otherwise impact on the plaintiff’s marriage; that plaintiff had mistreated the spouse; or that the plaintiff had also been unfaithful. It might be a defense that the plaintiff “consented” to the illicit intercourse; but the defendant would have to show that this approval or encouragement had pre-dated the extramarital conduct.”

There is a three-year statute of limitations for Alienation of Affections claims. The clock begins ticking on the date of your separation. The court generally views behavior that happened after the separation as irrelevant. So, if your spouse starts dating before the divorce is final, that generally doesn’t count as Alienation of Affection. However, if your spouse continues a relationship that broke up your marriage, that shows that the cheater chose the paramour over you and can be evidence the affair really did destroy the love between you.

Substituting Alienation of Affections With IIED: Since most states have abolished Alienation of Affections laws, wronged spouses have tried to recover damages under the cause of action known as Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress (IIED). Courts have generally recognized IIED as separate and distinct from Alienation of Affections, so that IIED may be available against a third party for conduct that breaks up a marital relationship, even in states that have abolished Alienation of Affections. To bring a successful IIED claim, the party suing must prove four elements: conduct that is intentional or reckless; conduct that is extreme and outrageous; the wrongful conduct caused the emotional distress; and the emotional distress must be severe.

6. Find out who the other party is.

Before you can go after the person your spouse cheated with, you have to know whom they are. Ruth Houston offers the following three tips to unearthing their identity.

Reverse phone number search: “If you find unfamiliar numbers on your caller ID, cell phone bill, programmed into your spouse’s cell phone, or scribbled on scraps of paper or the back of business cards, you can do a reverse phone number search to find out whose number it is,” said Houston. Your search is 100 percent confidential. For an additional fee, this service also lets you run background checks on any names you come across.

Reverse e-mail address search: “If your spouse is sending or receiving e-mails from someone you don’t know and you want to find out who a certain e-mail address belongs to, you can run a reverse e-mail search with the largest e-mail search database on the internet,” said Houston. This is the same service used by law enforcement, government officials, lawyers, private investigators and many others.

Background check: “If you have the name of the person(s) you think your spouse is involved with, or if you find a suspicious name among your spouse’s personal effects, you can quickly and easily run a background check to find out more information about this person including: their address history; their work history; whether they’re married, single, or divorced; whether they’ve ever committed a crime and more,” said Houston. All background searches are confidential.

7. Hire a good lawyer.

Getting a greater share of the marital assets requires a skilled lawyer who will advocate for your best interests. “The yellow pages are absolutely worst place to look for an attorney. I recommend you start with attorney from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers because they noted for excellence in this area and many have passed a second bar exam to become a certified family law specialist,” said Wolfrum, who also recommends you get a copy of IRS Publication 504: Instruction Booklet for Divorce.

Finding out your spouse has cheated on you unravels your world. It can be particularly galling if the person they cheated with benefits financially. Ashley Dupre, the call girl Spitzer allegedly hired, stands to make big money. The Week Magazine reports two songs Dupre posted on her MySpace page are being played on New York radio and have been downloaded several hundred thousand times for 98 cent a piece. Hustler Magazine has offered Dupre $1 million to pose nude and a Nevada brothel has offered her a $250,000 signing bonus.

Rather than feeling screwed twice, Houston encourages betrayed spouses to take action to protect their right to the marital assets. “Act decisively and you’ll feel empowered, rather than victimized,” Houston said.

The post Infidelity: Seven Tips to Help You Get Money When Your Divorce is Caused by Affair appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It was our fourth date when Coleen popped the question. She was smart, funny, beautiful, and confident of her talents. We’d had a lot of fun hanging out and I, classy dude that I am, hadn’t pushed for anything physical… yet. Coleen just had something about her that said, “don’t touch me quite yet” that […]

The post Single Mom Dating: When To Tell Him You Have Kids appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4377) "

It was our fourth date when Coleen popped the question. She was smart, funny, beautiful, and confident of her talents. We’d had a lot of fun hanging out and I, classy dude that I am, hadn’t pushed for anything physical… yet.

Coleen just had something about her that said, “don’t touch me quite yet” that I figured was a good idea to respect.

That changed when she slipped from her side of the table in the softly lit corner of the restaurant and scooted into the seat beside me. (Irish pub, booths, yep.)

I thought, “Yes! She’s finally over whatever is bothering her. Snog time!”

Instead, she leaned toward me, paused, and popped the question:

Would you freak out if I told you I had two kids?

I didn’t freak out. I don’t have a problem with kids and see no reason why a person should treat another poorly for having given birth.

The thing that bothered me was Coleen’s timing in waiting so long to tell me that she had two enormous commitments chilling with a babysitter at home.

I was annoyed that she hadn’t told me right away. When I asked her about the delay she said only that she hadn’t wanted to scare me away and that her friends had said I’d be cool with it if I really liked her.

I wasn’t interested.

Looking back, I wonder if I did the right thing? On what date should a single mom admit to having kids? Was Coleen right to wait so long to tell me about her kids?

I asked some friends for their input:

Seth said,

“She should tell him about her kids right around the same time she’d like him to tell her if he’s a registered sex offender.”

Emma said,

“I think she should tell him once she’s sure she likes him. It’s the difference between inviting somebody to a party in college and inviting them home for Thanksgiving. It’s important to get to know the guy a little bit before you spring potentially life-altering news on him.”

Amelia took some pot shots at Coleen’s garment choices (long story) before remarking,

“It seems like dating as a single mom would be something like dating when you’re HIV-positive. You know, you’ve got this thing that would scare most guys away but you’re hoping that you’ll somehow meet one who wants to be with you no matter what and will understand why you didn’t tell him sooner. It’s a big deal to have kids. You have to protect them while trying to be open to a new person. I think Coleen probably liked you a lot and perhaps that’s why she waited so long to tell you about her kids. I don’t know. I don’t have kids. That’s how I’d approach it if I did, I think. I’d wait, perhaps quite a few dates.”

Now I’m not sure what to think. If Seth was just being dramatic with his line about the sex offender (a real possibility) then it seems I may have been wrong in discounting Coleen for waiting to tell me about her kids.

What do you think? Ladies? How long do you think it’s okay for a single mom to wait before telling her date she’s got kids? Gents, how soon would you like to know if the lady you’re dating has done more than just test her baby maker?

If I was wrong (and it seems I may have been) I’m game for giving Coleen a call and apologizing for being an ape. Was I wrong?

Thanks for your input!


Links for dating single mothers: American single mothers, UK single mothers, Australian single mothers, Canadian single mothers

The post Single Mom Dating: When To Tell Him You Have Kids appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(612) "

It was our fourth date when Coleen popped the question. She was smart, funny, beautiful, and confident of her talents. We’d had a lot of fun hanging out and I, classy dude that I am, hadn’t pushed for anything physical… yet. Coleen just had something about her that said, “don’t touch me quite yet” that […]

The post Single Mom Dating: When To Tell Him You Have Kids appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4377) "

It was our fourth date when Coleen popped the question. She was smart, funny, beautiful, and confident of her talents. We’d had a lot of fun hanging out and I, classy dude that I am, hadn’t pushed for anything physical… yet.

Coleen just had something about her that said, “don’t touch me quite yet” that I figured was a good idea to respect.

That changed when she slipped from her side of the table in the softly lit corner of the restaurant and scooted into the seat beside me. (Irish pub, booths, yep.)

I thought, “Yes! She’s finally over whatever is bothering her. Snog time!”

Instead, she leaned toward me, paused, and popped the question:

Would you freak out if I told you I had two kids?

I didn’t freak out. I don’t have a problem with kids and see no reason why a person should treat another poorly for having given birth.

The thing that bothered me was Coleen’s timing in waiting so long to tell me that she had two enormous commitments chilling with a babysitter at home.

I was annoyed that she hadn’t told me right away. When I asked her about the delay she said only that she hadn’t wanted to scare me away and that her friends had said I’d be cool with it if I really liked her.

I wasn’t interested.

Looking back, I wonder if I did the right thing? On what date should a single mom admit to having kids? Was Coleen right to wait so long to tell me about her kids?

I asked some friends for their input:

Seth said,

“She should tell him about her kids right around the same time she’d like him to tell her if he’s a registered sex offender.”

Emma said,

“I think she should tell him once she’s sure she likes him. It’s the difference between inviting somebody to a party in college and inviting them home for Thanksgiving. It’s important to get to know the guy a little bit before you spring potentially life-altering news on him.”

Amelia took some pot shots at Coleen’s garment choices (long story) before remarking,

“It seems like dating as a single mom would be something like dating when you’re HIV-positive. You know, you’ve got this thing that would scare most guys away but you’re hoping that you’ll somehow meet one who wants to be with you no matter what and will understand why you didn’t tell him sooner. It’s a big deal to have kids. You have to protect them while trying to be open to a new person. I think Coleen probably liked you a lot and perhaps that’s why she waited so long to tell you about her kids. I don’t know. I don’t have kids. That’s how I’d approach it if I did, I think. I’d wait, perhaps quite a few dates.”

Now I’m not sure what to think. If Seth was just being dramatic with his line about the sex offender (a real possibility) then it seems I may have been wrong in discounting Coleen for waiting to tell me about her kids.

What do you think? Ladies? How long do you think it’s okay for a single mom to wait before telling her date she’s got kids? Gents, how soon would you like to know if the lady you’re dating has done more than just test her baby maker?

If I was wrong (and it seems I may have been) I’m game for giving Coleen a call and apologizing for being an ape. Was I wrong?

Thanks for your input!


Links for dating single mothers: American single mothers, UK single mothers, Australian single mothers, Canadian single mothers

The post Single Mom Dating: When To Tell Him You Have Kids appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565863566) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(42) "7 Reasons It’s Your Fault When He Cheats" ["link"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/15/7-reasons-its-your-fault-when-he-cheats/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 15 Aug 2019 09:50:22 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["category"]=> string(117) "Dating AdviceDating Issuescheatcheatingfamilyfamily problemsreason whyreasonsrelationship issuesRelationship problems" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2785" ["description"]=> string(594) "

Cheaters aren’t born, they’re made. Are you making one out of your man? He may not be cheating. He might never cheat (some are better at committing than others). But that doesn’t mean he won’t resent you and look for love in other places. Here are 7 reasons you might be pushing your man to reassess his […]

The post 7 Reasons It’s Your Fault When He Cheats appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5280) "

Cheaters aren’t born, they’re made. Are you making one out of your man? He may not be cheating. He might never cheat (some are better at committing than others). But that doesn’t mean he won’t resent you and look for love in other places. Here are 7 reasons you might be pushing your man to reassess his options.

1. You’re boring in bed

You don’t have to be a wild sex tigress with super flexibility who knows thousands of positions to be interesting in bed. You just need to know how to create an atmosphere of intimacy when you want to. Remember when you first met your man and all you had to do to get him hard was breathe on his neck? Not anymore. You go through the motions of sex but you don’t care. Your man might not be able to get a woman with a better body, but he can certainly find one who cares enough to make him feel noticed. She might be chubby but she’ll make him feel goooood. When was the last time you tried to make your man feel gooood?

2. You never give him that smile

You know, flirting? That thing you did when you first met? Flirting is a fun, sexy form of communication that you can do anywhere to remind your man that he’s your choice. Flirting is also an easy way of letting the women around you know that you keep your man interested and that they need not apply. However, judging by your behavior, you don’t really seem to care if they do try for him… do you?

3. You criticize him constantly

Do you have any idea how many orgasms you’ve missed out on because you bit your man’s head off as soon as he walked in the door over something as stupid as a carton of milk? Nobody likes to be criticized constantly. If you think your man is supposed to be perfect, you signed up for the wrong shift. He’s not perfect. He forgets, he’s lazy, he loses focus. Are you really interested in making him feel like you’re always judging him? If you do, he’ll run. He might not cheat, but he’ll certainly close himself off to you.

4. You’re a slob around the house

Now that you’ve been in relationship for awhile, you’ve decided it’s okay to dress like a colorblind hobo when you’re with your man. Is it really so much extra effort to put on a cute outfit instead of those ratty old sweatpants? Jeans and a cute t-shirt take the same amount of time to put on as your pyjama pants when you get out of the shower. You DO shower, don’t you? If you don’t have a perfume you really like, get one. He’ll memorize the scent and associate it with being near you and whatever that entails. There’s a lot of power in scent. Put it to your advantage or watch him end up with a woman who uses a nice-smelling bath soap.

5. You expect him to care about your relationship with your mother

He doesn’t. The best man in the world will smile, nod, and respond at appropriate points in conversation. But he doesn’t care. Bringing up your mother just makes you seem more like her and unless she’s a magnificent woman, you don’t want that (especially if she’s single).

6. You expect him to be on the same wavelength as you

He’s not. When you got mad at him for going out for drinks with his friends because he was supposed to instinctively know that you wanted to spend time together? That just made you look like an angry tramp. Communicate. Communicate clearly. Communicate in writing. Communicate multiple times if necessary in order to make sure he knows what you want. This doesn’t mean he’s stupid or doesn’t care about you. It means he’s probably a bit less organized than you and has a lot on his plate. Expecting him to know what you want without you clearly telling him will make your relationship feel like a series of mind games. Men cheat on women who play needless mind games.

7. You disrespect his friends

They were there before you and they’ll be there after you. Don’t blame him for his friends’ behavior. They belong in his world just as much as you do. Sure, he might have abandoned them a bit when you first met, but it’s back to real life now. He needs time with them just as he needs time with you if he wants to feel fulfillment in his life. He’s not going to leave his friends for you, but he might leave you for his friends. Don’t push.

Sure, there are many exceptions to any rule when it comes to relationships. You might do all the above and think your relationship is fine. But is it? We all want to be the exception. Why not make sure these 7 reasons don’t apply to your relationship and make it an exceptional one? I hope you do!

The post 7 Reasons It’s Your Fault When He Cheats appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(594) "

Cheaters aren’t born, they’re made. Are you making one out of your man? He may not be cheating. He might never cheat (some are better at committing than others). But that doesn’t mean he won’t resent you and look for love in other places. Here are 7 reasons you might be pushing your man to reassess his […]

The post 7 Reasons It’s Your Fault When He Cheats appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5280) "

Cheaters aren’t born, they’re made. Are you making one out of your man? He may not be cheating. He might never cheat (some are better at committing than others). But that doesn’t mean he won’t resent you and look for love in other places. Here are 7 reasons you might be pushing your man to reassess his options.

1. You’re boring in bed

You don’t have to be a wild sex tigress with super flexibility who knows thousands of positions to be interesting in bed. You just need to know how to create an atmosphere of intimacy when you want to. Remember when you first met your man and all you had to do to get him hard was breathe on his neck? Not anymore. You go through the motions of sex but you don’t care. Your man might not be able to get a woman with a better body, but he can certainly find one who cares enough to make him feel noticed. She might be chubby but she’ll make him feel goooood. When was the last time you tried to make your man feel gooood?

2. You never give him that smile

You know, flirting? That thing you did when you first met? Flirting is a fun, sexy form of communication that you can do anywhere to remind your man that he’s your choice. Flirting is also an easy way of letting the women around you know that you keep your man interested and that they need not apply. However, judging by your behavior, you don’t really seem to care if they do try for him… do you?

3. You criticize him constantly

Do you have any idea how many orgasms you’ve missed out on because you bit your man’s head off as soon as he walked in the door over something as stupid as a carton of milk? Nobody likes to be criticized constantly. If you think your man is supposed to be perfect, you signed up for the wrong shift. He’s not perfect. He forgets, he’s lazy, he loses focus. Are you really interested in making him feel like you’re always judging him? If you do, he’ll run. He might not cheat, but he’ll certainly close himself off to you.

4. You’re a slob around the house

Now that you’ve been in relationship for awhile, you’ve decided it’s okay to dress like a colorblind hobo when you’re with your man. Is it really so much extra effort to put on a cute outfit instead of those ratty old sweatpants? Jeans and a cute t-shirt take the same amount of time to put on as your pyjama pants when you get out of the shower. You DO shower, don’t you? If you don’t have a perfume you really like, get one. He’ll memorize the scent and associate it with being near you and whatever that entails. There’s a lot of power in scent. Put it to your advantage or watch him end up with a woman who uses a nice-smelling bath soap.

5. You expect him to care about your relationship with your mother

He doesn’t. The best man in the world will smile, nod, and respond at appropriate points in conversation. But he doesn’t care. Bringing up your mother just makes you seem more like her and unless she’s a magnificent woman, you don’t want that (especially if she’s single).

6. You expect him to be on the same wavelength as you

He’s not. When you got mad at him for going out for drinks with his friends because he was supposed to instinctively know that you wanted to spend time together? That just made you look like an angry tramp. Communicate. Communicate clearly. Communicate in writing. Communicate multiple times if necessary in order to make sure he knows what you want. This doesn’t mean he’s stupid or doesn’t care about you. It means he’s probably a bit less organized than you and has a lot on his plate. Expecting him to know what you want without you clearly telling him will make your relationship feel like a series of mind games. Men cheat on women who play needless mind games.

7. You disrespect his friends

They were there before you and they’ll be there after you. Don’t blame him for his friends’ behavior. They belong in his world just as much as you do. Sure, he might have abandoned them a bit when you first met, but it’s back to real life now. He needs time with them just as he needs time with you if he wants to feel fulfillment in his life. He’s not going to leave his friends for you, but he might leave you for his friends. Don’t push.

Sure, there are many exceptions to any rule when it comes to relationships. You might do all the above and think your relationship is fine. But is it? We all want to be the exception. Why not make sure these 7 reasons don’t apply to your relationship and make it an exceptional one? I hope you do!

The post 7 Reasons It’s Your Fault When He Cheats appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565862622) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(26) "How Men Get Social Anxiety" ["link"]=> string(65) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/14/how-men-get-social-anxiety/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 14 Aug 2019 11:03:05 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(98) "Personal GrowthAnxietyapproachbullyingfearmeetRejectionshyshynessSocial Anxietysocial interactions" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2781" ["description"]=> string(575) "

Are you a man who’s petrified when it comes to social interactions? If so, you’re not the only one. All across the United States and other countries, there are thousands of men who have social anxiety. For these men, social interactions aren’t just scary – they are actually torturous. If you have a presentation in […]

The post How Men Get Social Anxiety appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4544) "

Are you a man who’s petrified when it comes to social interactions? If so, you’re not the only one. All across the United States and other countries, there are thousands of men who have social anxiety. For these men, social interactions aren’t just scary – they are actually torturous. If you have a presentation in the morning, your heart may be beating out of your chest. Palms all sweaty. Body shaking more than a California earthquake. You have an interview, you fail it because you’re too afraid to display what your talents are and explain why you’re the best man for the job. When you see that hot woman at the grocery store, you freeze up more solid than an ice cube, and never work up enough courage to approach her.

For the man with Social Anxiety, all social interactions are difficult, because instead of enjoying the process, he’s too worried about what others are thinking of him. He always thinks everybody will see his imperfections or not like his personality, even if in reality the imperfections he thinks he has don’t exist.

While talking to new acquaintances, he’s always worried that whatever he says might offend others. This keeps him from opening up. He never has an opinion or expresses how he feels about a certain subject. You will never hear this man crack a joke, and he will most likely never talk to a stranger or interrupt someone who isn’t even busy, in fear that he may anger them.

And approaching that attractive woman sitting across the room, it will never happen. Instead, he’s worried about what she may be thinking about him. Is she thinking I’m too fat, short, bald, not funny enough, nose too big, skinny, etc? This guy worries so much it actually paralyzes him.

Why is this guy so socially awkward and what causes him to have all this social anxiety? There are many reasons why this man may be a social wreck, and most of the time it’s not from one single cause but from a combination of many.

Growing up, he may have lived in a strict home where his parents would yell or punish him whenever he made a simple mistake. Maybe they pushed him too hard to get good grades in school, and nothing was good enough unless it was an A.

Now even as an adult, whenever he attempts to interact with others, he’s afraid that if he makes a mistake they will be just as tough on him as his parents were, maybe even mock and embarrass him in front of others or not like him.

He could have even been the fat kid at school who everybody called fatso, lard, and blubber butt. Or he may have been the small, skinny kid everybody bullied and beat up. Women may have rejected him badly and laughed at him, or maybe he just saw other guys get rejected horribly and assumed the same thing would happen if he dared approach women.

Overcoming social anxiety isn’t easy to accomplish, but is also not impossible. Like an alcoholic, you need to admit that you have a problem, and then figure out how to fix that problem. The first step is finding out what caused the problem in the first place.

This exercise requires the use of mental visualization. Think back on when you were a kid before all your social problems developed, if possible. Try to remember when you had no social restraints, no fears, and weren’t socially shy. Imagine when you were most happiest. Now think about when all your social anxiety first started to develop. Remember all of your most embarrassing and traumatic experiences you had to go through and what effect they had on you while growing up.

Now here’s my challenge to you. I want all of you men out there who are reading this article to write a comment explaining the type of experiences you had while growing up that caused you to develop social anxiety. Then I want the rest of you who overcame your social anxiety problems to tell us about your experiences, and even pitch in and offer advice to whoever needs it.

So, are we ready to begin gentlemen?

The post How Men Get Social Anxiety appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(575) "

Are you a man who’s petrified when it comes to social interactions? If so, you’re not the only one. All across the United States and other countries, there are thousands of men who have social anxiety. For these men, social interactions aren’t just scary – they are actually torturous. If you have a presentation in […]

The post How Men Get Social Anxiety appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4544) "

Are you a man who’s petrified when it comes to social interactions? If so, you’re not the only one. All across the United States and other countries, there are thousands of men who have social anxiety. For these men, social interactions aren’t just scary – they are actually torturous. If you have a presentation in the morning, your heart may be beating out of your chest. Palms all sweaty. Body shaking more than a California earthquake. You have an interview, you fail it because you’re too afraid to display what your talents are and explain why you’re the best man for the job. When you see that hot woman at the grocery store, you freeze up more solid than an ice cube, and never work up enough courage to approach her.

For the man with Social Anxiety, all social interactions are difficult, because instead of enjoying the process, he’s too worried about what others are thinking of him. He always thinks everybody will see his imperfections or not like his personality, even if in reality the imperfections he thinks he has don’t exist.

While talking to new acquaintances, he’s always worried that whatever he says might offend others. This keeps him from opening up. He never has an opinion or expresses how he feels about a certain subject. You will never hear this man crack a joke, and he will most likely never talk to a stranger or interrupt someone who isn’t even busy, in fear that he may anger them.

And approaching that attractive woman sitting across the room, it will never happen. Instead, he’s worried about what she may be thinking about him. Is she thinking I’m too fat, short, bald, not funny enough, nose too big, skinny, etc? This guy worries so much it actually paralyzes him.

Why is this guy so socially awkward and what causes him to have all this social anxiety? There are many reasons why this man may be a social wreck, and most of the time it’s not from one single cause but from a combination of many.

Growing up, he may have lived in a strict home where his parents would yell or punish him whenever he made a simple mistake. Maybe they pushed him too hard to get good grades in school, and nothing was good enough unless it was an A.

Now even as an adult, whenever he attempts to interact with others, he’s afraid that if he makes a mistake they will be just as tough on him as his parents were, maybe even mock and embarrass him in front of others or not like him.

He could have even been the fat kid at school who everybody called fatso, lard, and blubber butt. Or he may have been the small, skinny kid everybody bullied and beat up. Women may have rejected him badly and laughed at him, or maybe he just saw other guys get rejected horribly and assumed the same thing would happen if he dared approach women.

Overcoming social anxiety isn’t easy to accomplish, but is also not impossible. Like an alcoholic, you need to admit that you have a problem, and then figure out how to fix that problem. The first step is finding out what caused the problem in the first place.

This exercise requires the use of mental visualization. Think back on when you were a kid before all your social problems developed, if possible. Try to remember when you had no social restraints, no fears, and weren’t socially shy. Imagine when you were most happiest. Now think about when all your social anxiety first started to develop. Remember all of your most embarrassing and traumatic experiences you had to go through and what effect they had on you while growing up.

Now here’s my challenge to you. I want all of you men out there who are reading this article to write a comment explaining the type of experiences you had while growing up that caused you to develop social anxiety. Then I want the rest of you who overcame your social anxiety problems to tell us about your experiences, and even pitch in and offer advice to whoever needs it.

So, are we ready to begin gentlemen?

The post How Men Get Social Anxiety appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565780585) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(39) "Dating In Miami: Romantic Weekend Ideas" ["link"]=> string(75) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/14/weekend-romantic-date-ideas-in-miami/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 14 Aug 2019 10:43:59 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(98) "InterestingRomantic Destinationsfloridamiamiromantic destinationsRomantic Getawayromantic ideasusa" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2762" ["description"]=> string(598) "

Key West Do you prefer just lazing on a beautiful beach? Or perhaps you like an action-packed weekend with deep sea diving and exploring marine life; maybe a visit to a famous writer’s abode would invigorate your spirit? Key West offers you the opportunity to live every one of your different aspects.You can leave behind […]

The post Dating In Miami: Romantic Weekend Ideas appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(8546) "

Key West

Do you prefer just lazing on a beautiful beach? Or perhaps you like an action-packed weekend with deep sea diving and exploring marine life; maybe a visit to a famous writer’s abode would invigorate your spirit? Key West offers you the opportunity to live every one of your different aspects.You can leave behind your car, as most places are within walking distance, and a scooter offers a novel way to reach places a little further off. One could explore the coral reefs of the Dry Tortugas, which are lush with marine life and tales of pirates.

Perhaps after a day of sunning you would prefer to watch the sunset at the oft-visited Mallory Square. A visit to the Hemingway house would bring you closer to the life of the Nobel laureate. A number of historic sites and museums are open to the public. An overview of all these places can be yours with the help of a tour. The Conch Tour Train takes you on a ninety minute journey through Key West. The famed Ripley’s Believe-it-or-Not Museum features more than 1500 specialty exhibits that are sure to keep you entertained. Key West has something to keep you and your special one enthralled throughout your stay.

Boyd Hill Nature Trail

Located along Lake Maggiore with 251 acres of land and 2.1 miles of main trail and side trails, there is a great deal to experience at the Boyd Hill Nature Trail. Although not entirely different from other parks around, it is, nevertheless, worth visiting for its trails by the lakes and rehabilitation center for eagles, owls, and several species of hawk. Cypresses and Willow Marsh are found in abundance. It is worthwhile for its extensive trails and in the abundant areas, the lush scenery. Daily tram tours are available.

Cedar Keys

Cedar Keys highlight marine and bird populations. The thirteen islands that are nature preserves range from 1 acre to 65 acres. Seahorse Key provides a nesting ground for many protected species of birds; Brown Pelicans, and Ibis; both rare species are found on this island. It offers a wonderful chance to commune with nature and view rare species living in harmony.

 

Wheedon Island Nature Preserve

This nature preserve offers spectacular views of the other islands. A 3,000 ft. trail through mangroves takes you to the summit from where Tampa Bay, Riviera Bay, and other preserves can be viewed.

 

Crystal River National Wildlife Refuge

Fresh water springs feed Kings’ Bay, at which the refuge is located. It is about forty acres spread over nine different islands. The fresh water attracts marine mammals, like the manatees. The constant warm temperature causes a number of manatees to congregate in this refuge. The traffic in this area, including divers and boats, are restricted from mid November to the end of March, to allow the manatees to live and flourish away from too much human disturbance. During the season, it offers awe-inspiring views of a friendly marine animal.

Cativa and Sanibel

Captiva and Sanibel are renowned for their unique nature preserves and wildlife. Eco-tour packages can give you a quick overall view of the area. General information regarding species and their habits is given, after which you can set your own pace. Kayak tours offer the chance to explore isolated waters. The Shell Museum features collections of over 200,000 shells. Lectures are also held daily by internationally known scientists. This is a chance to meet nature at its best.

Key Largo

Key Largo is the northern-most island of the Florida Keys. It is located between the Everglades and North America’s only Coral Barrier Reef. This island is known as the Diving Capital of the world and is also famous for sport-fishing. Having the Everglades present has made Key Largo a preferred destination for kayakers, eco-tourists, and others who are enthralled by the wildlife and the spirit of the island. Various sight-seeing tours are available. Interaction with dolphins is encouraged at Key Largo’s dolphin educational facilities. There are also theaters chronicling the rich history of the island.

Cabbage Key

One hundred acres of isolation might just help you recuperate over your long weekend. The popular Cabbage Key Inn and Bar offers a place to stay and dine. You can stay in a room in the Inn or in one of the cottages on the premises. The restaurant has an interesting feature; dollar-bills signed by the guests who decided to leave something behind in paradise. The rest of the island offers beautiful walking trails and you can reach other islands with the help of a motor boat. A taste of paradise!

Ocala National Forest

The mild year-round temperatures offer a wonderful way to escape extremes of any climate. It is a haven for water-sports with numerous springs, streams, and lakes. The cool-clear waters of the springs are inviting to many vacationers. Snorkeling offers beautiful views of wild marine life. With adequate precautions, the bears and alligators that are found in this national forest won’t be a hindrance to a discovery-filled vacation.

Washington Oaks State Garden

The gardens are most beautiful to visit in the spring. The formal gardens are spectacular, as is the coquina rock lined Atlantic beach. The gardens use both native species of plants as well as exotic ones. Exotic birds are also found in the shelter of many of the plants. Fishing along the Matanzas River can be followed by a picnic in the gardens. Numerous short trails allow for biking and hiking. Special events can be organized as requested. Camping facilities are also available to make the most of the gardens.

Naples

Sunny, fresh, and charming – Naples has it all. Romantic hotels and resorts, all aim to make your stay as relaxed and luxurious as ever; from beaches that offer privacy, romance and plenty of opportunities for swimming, surfing, and more to charming shopping districts, massive malls, and fantastic eateries, You could never go wrong by choosing Naples as your weekend getaway destination.

The post Dating In Miami: Romantic Weekend Ideas appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(598) "

Key West Do you prefer just lazing on a beautiful beach? Or perhaps you like an action-packed weekend with deep sea diving and exploring marine life; maybe a visit to a famous writer’s abode would invigorate your spirit? Key West offers you the opportunity to live every one of your different aspects.You can leave behind […]

The post Dating In Miami: Romantic Weekend Ideas appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(8546) "

Key West

Do you prefer just lazing on a beautiful beach? Or perhaps you like an action-packed weekend with deep sea diving and exploring marine life; maybe a visit to a famous writer’s abode would invigorate your spirit? Key West offers you the opportunity to live every one of your different aspects.You can leave behind your car, as most places are within walking distance, and a scooter offers a novel way to reach places a little further off. One could explore the coral reefs of the Dry Tortugas, which are lush with marine life and tales of pirates.

Perhaps after a day of sunning you would prefer to watch the sunset at the oft-visited Mallory Square. A visit to the Hemingway house would bring you closer to the life of the Nobel laureate. A number of historic sites and museums are open to the public. An overview of all these places can be yours with the help of a tour. The Conch Tour Train takes you on a ninety minute journey through Key West. The famed Ripley’s Believe-it-or-Not Museum features more than 1500 specialty exhibits that are sure to keep you entertained. Key West has something to keep you and your special one enthralled throughout your stay.

Boyd Hill Nature Trail

Located along Lake Maggiore with 251 acres of land and 2.1 miles of main trail and side trails, there is a great deal to experience at the Boyd Hill Nature Trail. Although not entirely different from other parks around, it is, nevertheless, worth visiting for its trails by the lakes and rehabilitation center for eagles, owls, and several species of hawk. Cypresses and Willow Marsh are found in abundance. It is worthwhile for its extensive trails and in the abundant areas, the lush scenery. Daily tram tours are available.

Cedar Keys

Cedar Keys highlight marine and bird populations. The thirteen islands that are nature preserves range from 1 acre to 65 acres. Seahorse Key provides a nesting ground for many protected species of birds; Brown Pelicans, and Ibis; both rare species are found on this island. It offers a wonderful chance to commune with nature and view rare species living in harmony.

 

Wheedon Island Nature Preserve

This nature preserve offers spectacular views of the other islands. A 3,000 ft. trail through mangroves takes you to the summit from where Tampa Bay, Riviera Bay, and other preserves can be viewed.

 

Crystal River National Wildlife Refuge

Fresh water springs feed Kings’ Bay, at which the refuge is located. It is about forty acres spread over nine different islands. The fresh water attracts marine mammals, like the manatees. The constant warm temperature causes a number of manatees to congregate in this refuge. The traffic in this area, including divers and boats, are restricted from mid November to the end of March, to allow the manatees to live and flourish away from too much human disturbance. During the season, it offers awe-inspiring views of a friendly marine animal.

Cativa and Sanibel

Captiva and Sanibel are renowned for their unique nature preserves and wildlife. Eco-tour packages can give you a quick overall view of the area. General information regarding species and their habits is given, after which you can set your own pace. Kayak tours offer the chance to explore isolated waters. The Shell Museum features collections of over 200,000 shells. Lectures are also held daily by internationally known scientists. This is a chance to meet nature at its best.

Key Largo

Key Largo is the northern-most island of the Florida Keys. It is located between the Everglades and North America’s only Coral Barrier Reef. This island is known as the Diving Capital of the world and is also famous for sport-fishing. Having the Everglades present has made Key Largo a preferred destination for kayakers, eco-tourists, and others who are enthralled by the wildlife and the spirit of the island. Various sight-seeing tours are available. Interaction with dolphins is encouraged at Key Largo’s dolphin educational facilities. There are also theaters chronicling the rich history of the island.

Cabbage Key

One hundred acres of isolation might just help you recuperate over your long weekend. The popular Cabbage Key Inn and Bar offers a place to stay and dine. You can stay in a room in the Inn or in one of the cottages on the premises. The restaurant has an interesting feature; dollar-bills signed by the guests who decided to leave something behind in paradise. The rest of the island offers beautiful walking trails and you can reach other islands with the help of a motor boat. A taste of paradise!

Ocala National Forest

The mild year-round temperatures offer a wonderful way to escape extremes of any climate. It is a haven for water-sports with numerous springs, streams, and lakes. The cool-clear waters of the springs are inviting to many vacationers. Snorkeling offers beautiful views of wild marine life. With adequate precautions, the bears and alligators that are found in this national forest won’t be a hindrance to a discovery-filled vacation.

Washington Oaks State Garden

The gardens are most beautiful to visit in the spring. The formal gardens are spectacular, as is the coquina rock lined Atlantic beach. The gardens use both native species of plants as well as exotic ones. Exotic birds are also found in the shelter of many of the plants. Fishing along the Matanzas River can be followed by a picnic in the gardens. Numerous short trails allow for biking and hiking. Special events can be organized as requested. Camping facilities are also available to make the most of the gardens.

Naples

Sunny, fresh, and charming – Naples has it all. Romantic hotels and resorts, all aim to make your stay as relaxed and luxurious as ever; from beaches that offer privacy, romance and plenty of opportunities for swimming, surfing, and more to charming shopping districts, massive malls, and fantastic eateries, You could never go wrong by choosing Naples as your weekend getaway destination.

The post Dating In Miami: Romantic Weekend Ideas appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565779439) } [7]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(83) "The Difference Between a Pick-up Artist, a Dating Expert, and a Relationship Expert" ["link"]=> string(120) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/14/the-difference-between-a-pick-up-artist-a-dating-expert-and-a-relationship-expert/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 14 Aug 2019 10:20:37 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(144) "Dating AdviceInterestingdatingdating expertdating tipsexpertfunpalyerpick uppick up artistsPUARelationship Expertrelationshipsrelationships tips" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2756" ["description"]=> string(659) "

There seems to be a lot of misconception these days about the difference between a pick-up artist, a dating expert, and a relationship expert. Many may scratch their heads, wondering. Others may say that they are all the same, and if you are one of them, you most likely will know how to help an […]

The post The Difference Between a Pick-up Artist, a Dating Expert, and a Relationship Expert appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(10758) "

There seems to be a lot of misconception these days about the difference between a pick-up artist, a dating expert, and a relationship expert. Many may scratch their heads, wondering. Others may say that they are all the same, and if you are one of them, you most likely will know how to help an unfortunate, lonely guy out there with all three.

However, they are not the same: while someone may be great at “picking up women,” it doesn’t mean they will know what to do on a date, or how to sustain a long-term relationship. In fact, everything you would do for a woman in a long term relationship, you should never do when trying to get a date.

Unfortunately, many guys don’t know this, and make every mistake known to man when out on a date, humiliating themselves. For example, many dating experts will tell men to be themselves, but what exactly does this mean? Does that mean if I like to wear purple pajamas on a date and talk about my job as a rug salesman, I should do it?

Asking a pickup artist about dating is like asking a car salesman how to repair the transmission in my car. The salesman and mechanic may both work with cars and may very well be excellent at what they do, but the two are not the same. So I ask, why do we tend to group different experts into the same category when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex? The answer is simple: ordinary people don’t know the difference.

What exactly is the difference between the three?

The Pick-up Artist

We will start with the pick-up artist, seeing as they are the ones who focus on the meeting stage, are newest on the scene, and surrounded by the most controversy. If you had ever seen the show “The Pick-up Artist” that was on VH1, you’d think these guys were only out for one thing, and one thing only: SEX. Many experts and media types are quick to bash these guys. They say women should beware, because those guys don’t want relationships, and usually hang out in bars looking to prey on unsuspecting or drunk women who will fall for their slimy pickup techniques. They say that once an average Joe who couldn’t get dates or who already has a girlfriend learns these sneaky moves, he will turn into an unfaithful man-whore and be ruined for life. I disagree. That would be like saying all women who get a gun permit and learn how to shoot will go around shooting any man who looks at them the wrong way. Like in the movie Spider Man, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Listen, there are many married men out there who at the first chance will cheat on their wives without even thinking about it. So, let’s look at the positives that can come from learning how to pick up women.

I remember a long time ago when I worked at a gym, there were two guys who use to lift weights together all the time. One was a very nice, polite, respectful guy. He dressed decently, and was good-looking and in great shape. His buddy, on the other hand, was a jerk toward women. He liked one-night stands and would never commit to a real relationship. He wasn’t as good-looking as his buddy, either. Every Friday night he would go out, find a good looking woman, take her home, and sleep with her. Of course when morning came, he would kick her out. This guy would set his buddy up with all kinds of women that he knew to go on a date with, but every time, the women would say he was way too nice and boring and that they wouldn’t go on a second date with him. It wasn’t because he wasn’t a great guy, it was because he was like every other guy out there. One thing he did wrong was give way too many compliments. He should have talked about fun topics and showed a sense of humor, but he was scared that anything he said would offend her or put her off, so he’d stick to boring subjects like his job or ask her tons of questions as if he were conducting an interview. He was following the advice given by many dating experts.

The Dating Expert

Watch television these days, and you will assume that because these experts know what to say and do on a date, they will know how to teach you to meet women. Every week, there seems to be a new expert popping out of the woodwork claiming that their method is the best. There was once even a show where a guy yelled at women like a drill sergeant, telling them if they didn’t listen to him, they’d be single forever. But like I always say, you can’t change what someone is attracted to, so why not just help them find what they like? The guy was a complete idiot in my opinion, and should never be hired to help anybody get a date. Many dating experts are the worst people to ever seek help from if you’re single, because they are usually only interested in making money. They will tell you general, vague things to do like “Ask her questions about herself, “or “Give many compliments and be yourself,” but will never give detailed ideas on how to get a woman to go on a date with you in the first place. There are many legit dating experts out there that you can seek out for help, but I would suggest you stay away from the commercialized types you see on television and only seek one out after you learn how to meet women in the first place.

The Relationship Expert

While these are not the well most known, they’ve been around the longest, tend to be the most professional, and have the least amount of negative strikes against their reputation. They may not be great at helping you find a woman or get a date, but they can definitely help you improve or save a current relationship. Most people will go to a relationship expert when they are about to get divorced or break up, but I believe that a relationship expert can help improve a current relationship and help create a better path of communication.

While it may seems that Pick-up Artists are the scum of the earth while Relationship Experts are the saints of the universe, it’s always important to remember that there’s good and bad in all three professions.

When choosing an expert, you should do plenty of homework first to make sure you choose right:

If it pertains to your situation, pick the expert that matches your situation, personality and price range, and always shop around before making a final decision.

While there’s no guarantee that the expert you choose will be legit or the right one, with careful research and planning there’s a greater chance you will find the expert that’s right for you. Remember that knowledge doesn’t come from just one source, so getting help from all three would be the ideal situation.

For those of you out there that think that these men will turn into player, you can’t change a good guy into a cheater any more than you can change a cat into a dog. A person with a good heart will always be a good person, no matter how much knowledge and skill they gain. Let’s not let the bad apples spoil it for the good guys and girls out there.

 

The post The Difference Between a Pick-up Artist, a Dating Expert, and a Relationship Expert appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(659) "

There seems to be a lot of misconception these days about the difference between a pick-up artist, a dating expert, and a relationship expert. Many may scratch their heads, wondering. Others may say that they are all the same, and if you are one of them, you most likely will know how to help an […]

The post The Difference Between a Pick-up Artist, a Dating Expert, and a Relationship Expert appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(10758) "

There seems to be a lot of misconception these days about the difference between a pick-up artist, a dating expert, and a relationship expert. Many may scratch their heads, wondering. Others may say that they are all the same, and if you are one of them, you most likely will know how to help an unfortunate, lonely guy out there with all three.

However, they are not the same: while someone may be great at “picking up women,” it doesn’t mean they will know what to do on a date, or how to sustain a long-term relationship. In fact, everything you would do for a woman in a long term relationship, you should never do when trying to get a date.

Unfortunately, many guys don’t know this, and make every mistake known to man when out on a date, humiliating themselves. For example, many dating experts will tell men to be themselves, but what exactly does this mean? Does that mean if I like to wear purple pajamas on a date and talk about my job as a rug salesman, I should do it?

Asking a pickup artist about dating is like asking a car salesman how to repair the transmission in my car. The salesman and mechanic may both work with cars and may very well be excellent at what they do, but the two are not the same. So I ask, why do we tend to group different experts into the same category when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex? The answer is simple: ordinary people don’t know the difference.

What exactly is the difference between the three?

The Pick-up Artist

We will start with the pick-up artist, seeing as they are the ones who focus on the meeting stage, are newest on the scene, and surrounded by the most controversy. If you had ever seen the show “The Pick-up Artist” that was on VH1, you’d think these guys were only out for one thing, and one thing only: SEX. Many experts and media types are quick to bash these guys. They say women should beware, because those guys don’t want relationships, and usually hang out in bars looking to prey on unsuspecting or drunk women who will fall for their slimy pickup techniques. They say that once an average Joe who couldn’t get dates or who already has a girlfriend learns these sneaky moves, he will turn into an unfaithful man-whore and be ruined for life. I disagree. That would be like saying all women who get a gun permit and learn how to shoot will go around shooting any man who looks at them the wrong way. Like in the movie Spider Man, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Listen, there are many married men out there who at the first chance will cheat on their wives without even thinking about it. So, let’s look at the positives that can come from learning how to pick up women.

I remember a long time ago when I worked at a gym, there were two guys who use to lift weights together all the time. One was a very nice, polite, respectful guy. He dressed decently, and was good-looking and in great shape. His buddy, on the other hand, was a jerk toward women. He liked one-night stands and would never commit to a real relationship. He wasn’t as good-looking as his buddy, either. Every Friday night he would go out, find a good looking woman, take her home, and sleep with her. Of course when morning came, he would kick her out. This guy would set his buddy up with all kinds of women that he knew to go on a date with, but every time, the women would say he was way too nice and boring and that they wouldn’t go on a second date with him. It wasn’t because he wasn’t a great guy, it was because he was like every other guy out there. One thing he did wrong was give way too many compliments. He should have talked about fun topics and showed a sense of humor, but he was scared that anything he said would offend her or put her off, so he’d stick to boring subjects like his job or ask her tons of questions as if he were conducting an interview. He was following the advice given by many dating experts.

The Dating Expert

Watch television these days, and you will assume that because these experts know what to say and do on a date, they will know how to teach you to meet women. Every week, there seems to be a new expert popping out of the woodwork claiming that their method is the best. There was once even a show where a guy yelled at women like a drill sergeant, telling them if they didn’t listen to him, they’d be single forever. But like I always say, you can’t change what someone is attracted to, so why not just help them find what they like? The guy was a complete idiot in my opinion, and should never be hired to help anybody get a date. Many dating experts are the worst people to ever seek help from if you’re single, because they are usually only interested in making money. They will tell you general, vague things to do like “Ask her questions about herself, “or “Give many compliments and be yourself,” but will never give detailed ideas on how to get a woman to go on a date with you in the first place. There are many legit dating experts out there that you can seek out for help, but I would suggest you stay away from the commercialized types you see on television and only seek one out after you learn how to meet women in the first place.

The Relationship Expert

While these are not the well most known, they’ve been around the longest, tend to be the most professional, and have the least amount of negative strikes against their reputation. They may not be great at helping you find a woman or get a date, but they can definitely help you improve or save a current relationship. Most people will go to a relationship expert when they are about to get divorced or break up, but I believe that a relationship expert can help improve a current relationship and help create a better path of communication.

While it may seems that Pick-up Artists are the scum of the earth while Relationship Experts are the saints of the universe, it’s always important to remember that there’s good and bad in all three professions.

When choosing an expert, you should do plenty of homework first to make sure you choose right:

If it pertains to your situation, pick the expert that matches your situation, personality and price range, and always shop around before making a final decision.

While there’s no guarantee that the expert you choose will be legit or the right one, with careful research and planning there’s a greater chance you will find the expert that’s right for you. Remember that knowledge doesn’t come from just one source, so getting help from all three would be the ideal situation.

For those of you out there that think that these men will turn into player, you can’t change a good guy into a cheater any more than you can change a cat into a dog. A person with a good heart will always be a good person, no matter how much knowledge and skill they gain. Let’s not let the bad apples spoil it for the good guys and girls out there.

 

The post The Difference Between a Pick-up Artist, a Dating Expert, and a Relationship Expert appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565778037) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(26) "Relationship Deal Breakers" ["link"]=> string(65) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/13/relationship-deal-breakers/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 13 Aug 2019 14:16:18 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(56) "Dating Issuesadvicedating issuedeal breakerrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2746" ["description"]=> string(568) "

Deal breakers. We all have them. A recent study by Perfect.is revealed that most of the single men and women didn’t name that many—an average of just under 5 deal breakers for long-term relationships, and 3 for short-term relationships. I’ve not made a secret of mine over at my blog and the feedback is always […]

The post Relationship Deal Breakers appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4615) "

Deal breakers. We all have them. A recent study by Perfect.is revealed that most of the single men and women didn’t name that many—an average of just under 5 deal breakers for long-term relationships, and 3 for short-term relationships.

I’ve not made a secret of mine over at my blog and the feedback is always split. One group of men/women understands and agrees with me. Meanwhile, the other half is adamant that I’m limiting myself and probably missing out on a great guy because of them. I’ve debated plenty with them but I’m sticking to my guns and I think you should too.

Let’s not confuse this with preference. There is a huge difference. A preference is dark hair, green eyes, hockey player, with a shaved chest, and he has to love the Flyers as much as you. Is that just me? Oops. I’m talking about the big things, the things that matter and the things you can’t budge on. Know them and know them well. If you want to have 3 kids and he doesn’t want ANY then he’s not the one. If you have 3 cats and he’s deathly allergic and not willing to get allergy shots then chances are it just won’t work. If he is nomadic and not happy unless he’s seeing new places and you are a single mother to a young kid…what the hell are you thinking trying to force that to work?

Do you see what I’m saying? I want you to make life happen, take charge, and never settle for less than what you deserve. Why should our love lives and personal relationships be any different? I don’t think we should. I’m giving you permission to be selective in your dating life. Deal breakers are not a negative thing.

I’m a tall and curvy woman so for me I know I won’t be comfortable with a scrawny man who is shorter than me. I don’t want children so for me I know I can’t get involved with a man who wants to breed a soccer team. I want a man who supports my dreams/passions without belittling their importance. Among my deal breakers is a man who won’t get dirty; I need a man’s man. There were times I ignored the things I really wanted to see if a guy who seemed nice enough would work out. Guess what? They never did. Now I have no shame in limiting my dating pool to the kind of man I know I need.

If you have two dogs who have been your babies for years and a guy comes along who hates them. Guess who is getting the boot? If you need a man who can openly communicate and start dating a man like Fort Knox, move on. I don’t care if your friends tell you that he’s great or that you are missing out. That’s his style, that’s him, and you aren’t going to change that (nor should you) so move on to the next guy. If you want a man who works with his hands and comes home sweaty to you each night then don’t feel bad about saying no to IT guy in accounting who refuses any company whitewater or rock climbing trips.

“But, there are exceptions to every rule. I thought I wanted x,y,z until I met my husband. Imagine if I’d said no because he wasn’t my “type”?” There is always somebody out there with their success story trying to prove you and your gut feeling wrong. Look, you’re a big girl and can decide for yourself. If a rule breaker comes along, I trust you, as a grown ass woman, to know when to listen to your gut and when to listen to your heart.

The bottom line is that I still believe the whole “when you know, you know” theory. If you are questioning your sanity because you are dating somebody who just doesn’t feel right…dump them. Just because your friends/family think they are great doesn’t mean you have to. Remember that it is important to be happy with you first. Know yourself and your needs If you are missing that spark or are hiding your true feelings about an important topic because you are afraid they won’t agree then there is NO hope that the relationship will last anyway. We want you to be as happy as humanly possible so make your list of musts, your needs, and then be strong enough to hold out for a man who meets them.

The post Relationship Deal Breakers appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(568) "

Deal breakers. We all have them. A recent study by Perfect.is revealed that most of the single men and women didn’t name that many—an average of just under 5 deal breakers for long-term relationships, and 3 for short-term relationships. I’ve not made a secret of mine over at my blog and the feedback is always […]

The post Relationship Deal Breakers appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4615) "

Deal breakers. We all have them. A recent study by Perfect.is revealed that most of the single men and women didn’t name that many—an average of just under 5 deal breakers for long-term relationships, and 3 for short-term relationships.

I’ve not made a secret of mine over at my blog and the feedback is always split. One group of men/women understands and agrees with me. Meanwhile, the other half is adamant that I’m limiting myself and probably missing out on a great guy because of them. I’ve debated plenty with them but I’m sticking to my guns and I think you should too.

Let’s not confuse this with preference. There is a huge difference. A preference is dark hair, green eyes, hockey player, with a shaved chest, and he has to love the Flyers as much as you. Is that just me? Oops. I’m talking about the big things, the things that matter and the things you can’t budge on. Know them and know them well. If you want to have 3 kids and he doesn’t want ANY then he’s not the one. If you have 3 cats and he’s deathly allergic and not willing to get allergy shots then chances are it just won’t work. If he is nomadic and not happy unless he’s seeing new places and you are a single mother to a young kid…what the hell are you thinking trying to force that to work?

Do you see what I’m saying? I want you to make life happen, take charge, and never settle for less than what you deserve. Why should our love lives and personal relationships be any different? I don’t think we should. I’m giving you permission to be selective in your dating life. Deal breakers are not a negative thing.

I’m a tall and curvy woman so for me I know I won’t be comfortable with a scrawny man who is shorter than me. I don’t want children so for me I know I can’t get involved with a man who wants to breed a soccer team. I want a man who supports my dreams/passions without belittling their importance. Among my deal breakers is a man who won’t get dirty; I need a man’s man. There were times I ignored the things I really wanted to see if a guy who seemed nice enough would work out. Guess what? They never did. Now I have no shame in limiting my dating pool to the kind of man I know I need.

If you have two dogs who have been your babies for years and a guy comes along who hates them. Guess who is getting the boot? If you need a man who can openly communicate and start dating a man like Fort Knox, move on. I don’t care if your friends tell you that he’s great or that you are missing out. That’s his style, that’s him, and you aren’t going to change that (nor should you) so move on to the next guy. If you want a man who works with his hands and comes home sweaty to you each night then don’t feel bad about saying no to IT guy in accounting who refuses any company whitewater or rock climbing trips.

“But, there are exceptions to every rule. I thought I wanted x,y,z until I met my husband. Imagine if I’d said no because he wasn’t my “type”?” There is always somebody out there with their success story trying to prove you and your gut feeling wrong. Look, you’re a big girl and can decide for yourself. If a rule breaker comes along, I trust you, as a grown ass woman, to know when to listen to your gut and when to listen to your heart.

The bottom line is that I still believe the whole “when you know, you know” theory. If you are questioning your sanity because you are dating somebody who just doesn’t feel right…dump them. Just because your friends/family think they are great doesn’t mean you have to. Remember that it is important to be happy with you first. Know yourself and your needs If you are missing that spark or are hiding your true feelings about an important topic because you are afraid they won’t agree then there is NO hope that the relationship will last anyway. We want you to be as happy as humanly possible so make your list of musts, your needs, and then be strong enough to hold out for a man who meets them.

The post Relationship Deal Breakers appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1565705778) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(59) "The Detriments of Being Passive-Aggressive in Relationships" ["link"]=> string(98) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/13/the-detriments-of-being-passive-aggressive-in-relationships/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 13 Aug 2019 12:12:50 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(82) "Dating IssuesbehaviorfamilyPassive AggressionPassive-Aggressiverelationshipsspouse" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=2740" ["description"]=> string(662) "

Dealing with a spouse or partner that exhibits passive-aggressive behavior is one of the greatest challenges in a relationship. Do not submit meekly to the ill-treatment. It will do no good for your relationship. Help your loved one realize his shortcomings and lend him a hand to overcome it. How can you recognize passive-aggressive behavior? […]

The post The Detriments of Being Passive-Aggressive in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4393) "

Dealing with a spouse or partner that exhibits passive-aggressive behavior is one of the greatest challenges in a relationship. Do not submit meekly to the ill-treatment. It will do no good for your relationship. Help your loved one realize his shortcomings and lend him a hand to overcome it.

How can you recognize passive-aggressive behavior?

People with passive aggressive behavior intend to irritate and make others angry. They can be recognized by their habitual passive resistance at work, home and at social functions.

Does your partner purposefully take ages to dress up for a party so that you arrive there almost when the party is winding up? Does he say “yes'” when you know he means to say “no?” Does he unreasonably criticize others in subtle ways? Do you notice he “forgets” to do things deliberately or repeatedly is late for work? Does he exaggerate his misfortunes and always complain that he is misunderstood? If your spouse comes across as inefficient, pessimistic, stubborn and gloomy, the warning bells should ring.

What leads to passive-aggressive behavior?

It is believed that such behavior possibly stems from a feeling of rejection and frustration in childhood. The pent up anger and stress, which is expressed in a “passive” way in childhood, builds up and continues as this personality disorder in adulthood.

How can I deal with my passive-aggressive spouse?

1. Stop feeling guilty

You are not to blame in any way if your partner exhibits passive-aggressive behavior. Instead focus on ways to make him realize it and seek help.

2. Don’t be a doormat!

Timidly submitting yourself to his domination and insults will only reinforce his behavior. Refuse to be bullied in this manner. Confront him and demand an apology. Speak your mind. Let him know how much his behavior hurts you.

3. Make him realize his folly

Do not excuse him or try to “bail him out” of this flawed behavior. Passive-aggressive persons dwell in self-pity. If he denies the problem, subtly point out his dishonesty and inconsistencies. Passive-aggressive partners love to say “I never said that!” So record calls and conversations, keep a memo book! Explain how his behavior affects your relationship as well as his career, besides other things. Clarify how his own actions and not others contribute to his sufferings. Make him realize that if he values your relationship, he should accept there is some trouble. Only then can you help him deal with it.

4. Help him help himself

Once he accepts the problem, stand by him to overcome it. Spare time to be with him. Have a frank talk where he can share his discontent and anger. That will prevent him expressing them in indirect ways. Seek his opinion on what makes him feel better and in what ways you can help him. Compliment him on his good qualities rather than criticizing him for his faults. Urge him to focus on the positive aspects in life. He can conquer his insecurities and his fear of conflict by trying to be more assertive in the right way.

5. Seek professional help

See a counselor if self-help does not seem to fetch the desired results. A therapist may educate him on ways to control anger and anxiety and channelize his energy for productive causes. He can also undergo an assertiveness training course to develop effective communication skills and help assert himself in a proper manner and not in an “aggressive” way.

Communication, perseverance, patience, and understanding will definitely help your loved one overcome his problem and pave the way for a happy relationship for both of you.

The post The Detriments of Being Passive-Aggressive in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(662) "

Dealing with a spouse or partner that exhibits passive-aggressive behavior is one of the greatest challenges in a relationship. Do not submit meekly to the ill-treatment. It will do no good for your relationship. Help your loved one realize his shortcomings and lend him a hand to overcome it. How can you recognize passive-aggressive behavior? […]

The post The Detriments of Being Passive-Aggressive in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4393) "

Dealing with a spouse or partner that exhibits passive-aggressive behavior is one of the greatest challenges in a relationship. Do not submit meekly to the ill-treatment. It will do no good for your relationship. Help your loved one realize his shortcomings and lend him a hand to overcome it.

How can you recognize passive-aggressive behavior?

People with passive aggressive behavior intend to irritate and make others angry. They can be recognized by their habitual passive resistance at work, home and at social functions.

Does your partner purposefully take ages to dress up for a party so that you arrive there almost when the party is winding up? Does he say “yes'” when you know he means to say “no?” Does he unreasonably criticize others in subtle ways? Do you notice he “forgets” to do things deliberately or repeatedly is late for work? Does he exaggerate his misfortunes and always complain that he is misunderstood? If your spouse comes across as inefficient, pessimistic, stubborn and gloomy, the warning bells should ring.

What leads to passive-aggressive behavior?

It is believed that such behavior possibly stems from a feeling of rejection and frustration in childhood. The pent up anger and stress, which is expressed in a “passive” way in childhood, builds up and continues as this personality disorder in adulthood.

How can I deal with my passive-aggressive spouse?

1. Stop feeling guilty

You are not to blame in any way if your partner exhibits passive-aggressive behavior. Instead focus on ways to make him realize it and seek help.

2. Don’t be a doormat!

Timidly submitting yourself to his domination and insults will only reinforce his behavior. Refuse to be bullied in this manner. Confront him and demand an apology. Speak your mind. Let him know how much his behavior hurts you.

3. Make him realize his folly

Do not excuse him or try to “bail him out” of this flawed behavior. Passive-aggressive persons dwell in self-pity. If he denies the problem, subtly point out his dishonesty and inconsistencies. Passive-aggressive partners love to say “I never said that!” So record calls and conversations, keep a memo book! Explain how his behavior affects your relationship as well as his career, besides other things. Clarify how his own actions and not others contribute to his sufferings. Make him realize that if he values your relationship, he should accept there is some trouble. Only then can you help him deal with it.

4. Help him help himself

Once he accepts the problem, stand by him to overcome it. Spare time to be with him. Have a frank talk where he can share his discontent and anger. That will prevent him expressing them in indirect ways. Seek his opinion on what makes him feel better and in what ways you can help him. Compliment him on his good qualities rather than criticizing him for his faults. Urge him to focus on the positive aspects in life. He can conquer his insecurities and his fear of conflict by trying to be more assertive in the right way.

5. Seek professional help

See a counselor if self-help does not seem to fetch the desired results. A therapist may educate him on ways to control anger and anxiety and channelize his energy for productive causes. He can also undergo an assertiveness training course to develop effective communication skills and help assert himself in a proper manner and not in an “aggressive” way.

Communication, perseverance, patience, and understanding will definitely help your loved one overcome his problem and pave the way for a happy relationship for both of you.

The post The Detriments of Being Passive-Aggressive in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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